Somthing from my diary from a few years ago... I was reflecting on Benji's and my relationship and on life in general....
Here we are at the convergence of a series of events
stretching further back into history than can be recorded. The focal point. The point at which time’s own light rays,
having passed through innumerable lenses and prisms and refractory media,
unite, at a single moment in time. All the what-ifs and if-onlys and maybes have
had light pass through them, with such perfect timing, that here we are, right
now. And it doesn’t matter if you
believe in fate, or a god (the Travel God’s even?), or destiny, or whatever...
it is still a marvellous miracle to observe the path your rays of light have
travelled in order to arrive at a single point of convergence.
I see myself ticking the box on my residential college
application for university... I see Benji, two years before that, ticking the
same box for the same college.... I see
Benji choosing to go the pub that night we met, he nearly didn’t go.... I see
him standing in the middle of a crowded street in India and me walking away...
I see me living with a different partner, a different life, knowing things
weren’t quite right... and then me leaving, squeezing all my belongings,
including my dog, Roadie, into my station wagon, heading back to Queensland...
I see me sitting in an internet cafe in Spain, sending an email to a Benji whom
I haven’t seen in years, subconsciously (or maybe not?) sending a little spark
to reignite old thoughts of me... I see Benji telling his other partner that
things were not right between them and that they must end it... I see me being
told by my physio that I need to stop running so much, and why not try cycling
instead?... I see Benji, at around the same time, and unbeknown to me, in the
opposite hemisphere deciding to buy a bike and cycle from Vancouver to Las
Angeles...I see me prostrate on the old fashioned, rose print carpet,
struggling to find a reason to move or even breath... while there is Benji,
cycling alone, into the driving rain and wind... I see us both back living in
Brisbane, at the same point in time, after so many years, both single, still
friends (just friends), still mixing in the same circles, still sharing our inner thoughts about
life with each other...
But look further back still... there’s my father coming to
Australia (he’d discovered they would pay skilled foreigners to immigrate), and
now going to that dance in a wooden hall in outback Australia... he’s asking a
little Red-Head to dance, she’s saying yes...now they’re getting married...and
having children...
And there is the DNA of my grandmother Lucy, being threaded
into mine...strong legs and strong will...and of my Spanish ancestors...gypsies
longing to travel...
And there are Benji’s parents, Australia bound from New
Zealand, there are no work visas required...and now they’re moving over from
Western Australia to Queensland...
And there are our grand parents...our great
grandparents...there are wars and famine and disease...options, decisions,
obligations, chances and choices...
And now here it all is!
Right now, light rays of time having interacted with these lenses and
mirrors of the past, are coming together with all their stories and memories
and wisdom, and converging at this focal point.
And it is comforting to know that no darkness, no matter how absolute or
final it seems is impenetrable. You will
find a speck, a glimmer, a photon to focus on, a bicycle, a friendship, a
reason to move again, or a point at which new light rays can converge
together. But look! It is not an end point. Now, the light will refract. The rays will be diverged and sent off in
other directions, onwards, onwards, off into the future.
The beauty, of course, is watching to see what will be illuminated as the light continues onward.
